Girls Want What They Don't Have

The essays in this week’s Red were incredibly touching, honest and revealing. I felt like I related to almost every story. I was chubby growing up, and got teased a lot about being the “fat girl,” much like Amy in “Sleeves.” I never thought I would be the pretty girl that all the boys liked. However, when I did martial arts, I lost a lot of weight. I was tiny, but muscular and in shape. My experience was a lot like Alison Smith’s “Curve.” Strangers constantly told me how thin I was and that I needed food. Yes, I was thin, and aware of how skinny I was. No, I did not need food. I ate a LOT. I love that Alison embraces her hips, her one curve (9). I also loved the juxtaposition of the two stories- “Sleeves” and “Curves.” Both girls want what the other has, both girls strive to be “normal” (7, 9).

(As a side note- now in college, not doing martial arts, I have gained some weight. However, the only person that makes me feel bad about my weight is…me, if I’m having a bad day.)

Tiffani Hortman’s “Muscle,” was the most touching story. Even though Tiffani had a rare type of MS, she never allowed her illness to stop her (12). I think girlhood would be well served to hear more stories like this and less stories about Britney and Paris. Several of the Red stories and both of the articles deal with looks/dieting, however it seems like Tiffani did not suffer from such image issues because she was trying to overcome something so huge. Her positive attitude and close friends (13-14) undoubtedly helped. I personally think this story is one hundred time more positive than most popular teen media.

Looking at the website of the week, scarleteen.com, I am reminded of so many nights spent in secret looking up answers to questions I had. My mother taught me about sex, we had sex education in school, however both of these methods always steered back to abstinence and waiting. As I got older, my friends were experimenting with sexual things, and I found that website particularly useful. I think this country does its youth a great disservice by teaching ONLY abstinence (I’ll save this rant for The Purity Myth discussions, since that book is fabulous.) I really liked “Lucky” because Caro Fink describes sex as emotional and important, but not life-changing; and certainly not worth “making a huge deal out of (27).”

I feel like overall, my mother spent a lot of time talking to me about things like my period, so I was well prepared. I remember being in fifth grade and being the only one to ace the pre-quiz given before the “sex talk.” (This, in fifth grade, was just about puberty and involved a movie about childbirth that involved an ovum with eyelashes.) After the initial talk, I did not feel comfortable talking to my mother, or anyone really. I don’t really know how to solve this problem, other than perhaps being more open to talking about things like periods and sex in the future.

Comments

Venessa Thomas said…
Hey beloved. Thanks for sharing your story. When you lost the weight, did you gain more self esteem. I'm guessing so because you were in martial arts and that takes a lot of putting yourself out there for others to watch you. Everyone in college, gains weight. I didn't really my first few years when I lived on campus,but once I was off campus, not working and just doing school all day, I gained a little weight. I know what you mean, it makes you feel blah when you feel uncomfortable with your body.
Turnbullet said…
It does. I had a lot of self esteem, but not because I was thin, but because of how incredibly in shape I was. I was really strong too. And flexible. I'm still strong, but all that other stuff went out the window.

When school is done I plan on picking up a new hobby or martial art.
Kristen said…
"However, the only person that makes me feel bad about my weight is…me, if I’m having a bad day."

I feel the exact same way! I think we are our own worst enemy sometimes. We are the ones that compare ourselves to the movie stars and models, but for young girls I think it is different. They cannot differentiate between what is best for them and what the media and society says it best. At my age now when I find myself envying a body I see on t.v. I have to remind myself that it is their job to look like that. Movie stars and models have all day to work out, and pretty much get paid to do it. If I didn't have to work of go to school I would look like that too!

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