I'm Okay

When I reflect on how I used to feel about my body image when I was younger, I think about when I was in 8th grade. At lunch I would buy a cookie and a drink and that is all I would eat for lunch. For dinner I would try to eat crackers and cheese. I was so concerned with being skinny and not eating a lot. I also experimented with bulimia, but I think many young girls experienced that. I think it’s funny that I used to do that, because now I eat whatever I want, and in my personal opinion , I have a perfect body. Everything that most girls strive for, I already have and I can eat what I want! Please don’t take this as me boasting, I’m just using this as an example because I used to be so concerned with my weight and how my body looked, and when I stopped worrying about it, my body was still the same, probably even better! There was no need for me to worry about my weight. What I realized is that everybody’s body is different, we should all embrace our bodies as beautiful, no matter what.

I remember the day I got my period, and for some reason I didn’t want to tell my mom so I came up with my own little way of dealing with my period, which I don’t want to share online hahaha. It happened before a car trip and was probably the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in. Eventually I told my mom and she helped me out. She had me wearing pads instead of tampons! How old fashioned is she? I could never wear a pad now. I’m actually the one who turned my mom onto tampons, which is very weird! That was probably because of the cultural differences, she was born in Jamaica, but she is very Americanized so I don’t know why she would prefer wearing pads. Blah.

I really think mothers should talk to their daughters about periods around the time that they should be getting it. Mothers should just let daughters know that they will start bleeding down there soon, and not to be alarmed, just to let her know when it happens and she will help her out. Mothers should also show their daughters a tampon and a pad, how to use it, and how to be comfortable with it. I think if this is done, girls will be more comfortable with the change that is happening in their bodies.

I DO NOT think girls are educated enough about their bodies. I swear my boyfriend knows more about my body then I do. He’s told me some things that I didn’t even know about the female body. There is something wrong with that. I think what we can do to change this, is to have sex ed classes in high school, not just middle school. What we learned from the sex ed classes in middle school, we forgot by the time we reached into high school. Not only should we be more educated about our bodies, but I think girls need to be educated about drug use and how it can really affect their bodies and lives. I just heard news about a girl I knew from high school, overdosing. I hung out with her last year and she was getting really bad on pills, and it was really sad. She was such a nice girl with a great heart, so I don’t know why she turned to drugs, but we all are dealing with different situations in our lives, and we deal with them differently. God Bless her.

The first entry “Sleeves” by Amy Humt, age 16 was one of my favorite readings. Sleeves. How many times have I had to wear long sleeved shirts in the Florida weather to hide scars from cutting. For some reason I’m not ashamed that I used to cut. I could never cut myself today, but I’m sort of content with my past of cutting, because it made me who I am today. I can also relate to a lot of girls who are going through this problem. “Sleeves” is mainly about a girl’s battle with her weight. I guess I never really thought about how an overweight girl may feel about her body. Obviously, I would assume she MAY have low self esteem or she could be happy with her body. Some of the situations that Amy explained in her entry were very disturbing. I do not think I’ve ever witnessed anybody saying such horrible things to someone because they are overweight. What doesn’t kill us can only make us stronger.

At the end of “Curve “ by Alison Smith, age 16 I smiled. Even though she had been scrutinized for being so skinny, she found something to love about herself; her hips. A lot of people just complain about everything that they think is wrong with them, and they never embrace what is truly beautiful about them.

Oh, The Jewish Hair. I’m not Jewish but I’m mixed and my hair is curly, dry and THICK. When I was growing up I hated my hair because I just wanted it to be manageable and straight. After years of wanting the perfect hair, my hair had a lot of breakage and now I wear extensions because my hair is only past shoulder length and it used to be down my back. Even though I love my extensions because it gives me an exotic look, I wish that I didn’t focus so much on having the perfect hair, and just embraced what I had. I had beautiful, thick, long hair. Oh, I wish I could tell young girls to just have patience. What you hate now, can be one of the best things later on in your life.

I could definitely relate to “Lucky” by Caro. This story probably explained my teenage years the best. Cutting and falling in love with my best friend. I guess I was fortunate that my best friend felt the same way about me but it didn’t last long, at 16 years old, two girls trying to have a relationship, with everything else going on, is not the best of the things. It actually ruined our relationship, we fist fought, and didn’t talk for a year. Today, at the age of 21 years old, she is my best friend, she will always be in my life and I really do think that she is my other half. We’ve been through so much together, that I can’t even regret expressing my love to her when I was 16 years old. I am so proud of the person that she is today, and I know she feels the same way for me. We are just comfortable together, in everything that we experience. Reading Lucky let me know that everything I experienced in my teenage years was okay, because obviously there are many girls going through the same things as me.

This week’s reading from Red was very encouraging and made my memories of the past okay. Things that I usually would close my eyes in shame when I thought of because it hurt to remember, today I feel okay about them. I’m okay.