The G[r]ay Area Between Female Friendship & Sexuality

Heteronormativity is a strange, but powerful thing. When a little girl and little boy play together, adults will project these odd notions onto them, making jokes about a future romance between the children. However, when two girls play together, it isn’t likely the same remarks will be made about their relationship. In Susan Shaw and Janet Lee's chapter on Sex and Intimacy, they detail that sexual scripts “provide frameworks and guidelines for sexual feelings and behaviors in a particular community at a particular time” and marks a crucial note that “foundational in these scripts is the oppositional binary of heterosexuality and homosexuality that constructs normative sexuality and shapes sexual feelings and expression” (281). This social construction, of course, manages to ooze into our media, specifically in its representation of female friendship. As a bisexual woman with many gay friends, a frequent topic of conversation is the almost obligatory heterosexuality among female friend groups in movies and television shows. However, even when the women are supposedly heterosexual, it is interesting to dissect that gray area media doesn’t explore enough, female friendship and the romantic and/or sexual undertones they hold.

To crystallize this, let’s take a look at an example of how a movie chooses to depict female friendship.

1997’s Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion tells the colorful and near-campy story of two friends who are as close as they were ten years ago. When their decade high school reunion rolls around, the two women reexamine the lives they’ve lived alongside each other, wondering if they and their lifestyle are impressive. A sense of intimacy is immediately established: Romy and Michelle live with each other and are both single. When they go to a club in the second sequence of the film, Romy makes a comment about sometimes wishing she were a lesbian. Michelle casually responds “Do you want to have sex sometime, just to see if we are?” Romy comedically replies that being with a woman creeps her out, but to ask her again when she’s thirty (which should be in 2-3 years). I love that the film knows to tread the line of their relationship, acknowledging the intimate and potential gay undertones of living with a woman you love more than anyone and being willing to have sex with her, just to see if you like it. However, the film does write male interest for both women. Romy is interested in seeing her high school crush, though you could argue Romy simply idolizes the image the popular Billy and his queen bee Christie play. Michelle’s romantic interest in Sandy is also very lowkey, as she rejects him all throughout high school and only kisses him once she learns he is rich and supportive of her close friendship with Romy. Honestly, Michelle is probably more attracted to Romy than she is to Sandy and upon rewatch with my bisexual best friend, we both agreed that the film would be better if at least one of its leading women liked women. And, I’m not the only one who sees the queerness of the film. Writer Jonny Stone wrote in an article that “The cast speaks for itself: Janeane Garofalo, 90s icon adored by gays and lesbians everywhere, and Alan Cumming, Scotland’s premier pansexual poster boy, are flawless in their roles as the women’s former classmates and bring an inexplicable queerness to the table” (2021).  Overall, the film is recognized as a touchstone for female friendship in cinema.. with a hint of just enough queerness to let audiences suspect the 50-year-marriage deal in their future. But, would it have killed the writers to make Michelle’s fluid sexuality more obvious and meaningful, instead of the butt of a joke? The two women can remain platonic even if one is queer. 

In 2008, Professor of psychology and gender studies Lisa Diamond published the book “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” beginning with a history of sexual fluidity. She writes, “though women- appear to be born with distinct sexual orientations… women of all orientations may experience a variation in their erotic and emotional feelings as they encounter different situations, relationships, and life stages” (3). She references the works and beliefs of poet Adrienne Rich, who “argued that all intense bonds between women, even if they were not explicitly sexual, occupied a ‘lesbian continuum.’ This model suggested… a woman... maintained a capacity for diverse forms of same-sex intimacy and eroticism (5). She believed this was historically reflected by women always managing “to form intimate and emotionally primary ties to other women” (5). This helps accentuate that women can engage in deeper, more intimate friendships than man are allowed to. 

I’m not trying to argue that all women like women. Heterosexual women are valid and exist. But, sexuality is a spectrum, and it hurts no one to allow women a safe place to explore their sexuality and not feel the pressure to use rigid and inflexible modes of thinking in regards to their relationships with other women. Female friendship is a complex and beautiful aspect of life, and media that allows for some bending of heteronormative roles for their women are worth exploring and celebrating. 

Sources

Why More Women Identify as Sexually Fluid than Men

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210610-why-more-women-identify-as-sexually-fluid-than-men

The (not) Gay Movie Club: Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

https://snackmag.co.uk/the-not-gay-movie-club-romy-and-micheles-high-school-reunion

Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire

By Lisa M Diamond · 2008

Gendered Voices, Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings

Susan M. Shaw, Janet Lee