Sex Ed. Pure vs. Unpure
I have never really thought about how I define “virginity” as it has been such a long time since I have even thought about it. Virginity is something that you always hear about; people talk about it, people gawk over it, yet you never really see anything “real” that resembles “virginity.” I guess I define virginity the stereotypical way: virginity is the status of an individual’s sexual experience—that is if the vagina has been penetrated by a penis. This definition comes from teachers teaching students sex education throughout the public school system. Erin Williams comments about sexual education in school. She states that “where girls are being taught that they are like a "used lollipop" if they have sex before marriage, and worse for young women (and men) the book offers evidence that some educators are flat out lying to students. (e.g. exaggerating the failure rates of condoms and discounting or even denying their effectiveness in preventing STDs),” this is interesting because school is where children obtain most of their sexual education and many of these ideas are being cycled over and over again within adolescent culture (Williams). I remember in 5th grade, our entire class talked about “sexual education” for a week. We all were able to ask questions and get responses from our instructors, I remember the instructors were pro-abstinence and pro-condom, they used to say the following: “the only way to be 100% safe is through abstinence,” I will never forget them saying this.
Growing up I was constantly surrounded by others who would take part in chastising “slut girls.” I even took part in it a lot of the time, most of the people I hung out with did it, that is just the way that it was. It is pretty sad that many individuals take part in something that they know might not be right. Most of the time it is because “everyone is doing it” or it is “status quo.” The Progressive Puppy published a story about how young girls are spending time “dating” their fathers in order to obtain a better definition of how a respectable man treats women. This is an interesting yet skewed idea; girls need to have a good comparison for future mates, thus meaning a positive male role-model is important. Christian fundamentalist groups are skewing a genuinely good idea when they force young girls to make chastity vows to their fathers. It is not ironic how the confused majority of these girls turn out to be very promiscuous despite their “teachings.”
It is tough these days to grow up. We constantly have our friends, family, and coworkers telling us what we should and should not do. This can get confusing, especially when it comes to virginity. Being a guy and growing up in high school and middle school, most males were looked at as “studs” if they were promiscuous and spent time with many girls. Girls on the other hand, craved attention from the guys, good or bad, many girls were looked at as “sluts” just because they were “attention whores” with the guys and they got more attention than other girls. Negative or positive gossip was good gossip, any publicity was good, it got them noticed and they liked being talked about by others. This is an example of how “too many women just struggle to be seen” (Valenti 76).
Female sexuality was often characterized as being dirty. Girls were supposed to be “proper” and reserved when it came to sex. They were supposed to be the ones that were chased after and did not do any of the chasing. Every once in a while you would have a girl that often succumbed to her sexual needs and “chased” after guys—she was the stereotypical slut. This affected me growing up, me and the other guys would often be turned off by some of the “sluttier” girls. These girls seemed too easy to us and therefore “not worth it.” These are the unfortunate facts of teenage social life. We often made assumptions based on little evidence—many feelings were hurt.
Teenage girls should be taught to be educated, driven, and inquisitive. They should not be so focused on being labeled “pure” or “dirty.” Society should strive to teach sexual respect instead of sexual discrimination. Respect yourself and respect others sexually. Aristotle states that an excess of anything can have harmful effects, maybe we should take these wise words into consideration when we teach our own children.
Growing up I was constantly surrounded by others who would take part in chastising “slut girls.” I even took part in it a lot of the time, most of the people I hung out with did it, that is just the way that it was. It is pretty sad that many individuals take part in something that they know might not be right. Most of the time it is because “everyone is doing it” or it is “status quo.” The Progressive Puppy published a story about how young girls are spending time “dating” their fathers in order to obtain a better definition of how a respectable man treats women. This is an interesting yet skewed idea; girls need to have a good comparison for future mates, thus meaning a positive male role-model is important. Christian fundamentalist groups are skewing a genuinely good idea when they force young girls to make chastity vows to their fathers. It is not ironic how the confused majority of these girls turn out to be very promiscuous despite their “teachings.”
It is tough these days to grow up. We constantly have our friends, family, and coworkers telling us what we should and should not do. This can get confusing, especially when it comes to virginity. Being a guy and growing up in high school and middle school, most males were looked at as “studs” if they were promiscuous and spent time with many girls. Girls on the other hand, craved attention from the guys, good or bad, many girls were looked at as “sluts” just because they were “attention whores” with the guys and they got more attention than other girls. Negative or positive gossip was good gossip, any publicity was good, it got them noticed and they liked being talked about by others. This is an example of how “too many women just struggle to be seen” (Valenti 76).
Female sexuality was often characterized as being dirty. Girls were supposed to be “proper” and reserved when it came to sex. They were supposed to be the ones that were chased after and did not do any of the chasing. Every once in a while you would have a girl that often succumbed to her sexual needs and “chased” after guys—she was the stereotypical slut. This affected me growing up, me and the other guys would often be turned off by some of the “sluttier” girls. These girls seemed too easy to us and therefore “not worth it.” These are the unfortunate facts of teenage social life. We often made assumptions based on little evidence—many feelings were hurt.
Teenage girls should be taught to be educated, driven, and inquisitive. They should not be so focused on being labeled “pure” or “dirty.” Society should strive to teach sexual respect instead of sexual discrimination. Respect yourself and respect others sexually. Aristotle states that an excess of anything can have harmful effects, maybe we should take these wise words into consideration when we teach our own children.
Comments
I talk about the same exact phrase in my post. "The only way you can be 100 percent sure..." Who has ever been 100 percent sure of anything in their lives? The fact is that abstinence is a perfectly fine way to choose to approach one's sexuality. If we choose to ridicule it in our posts here we're just doing the same thing contraceptive critics are doing. However, whether young men and women use condoms, birth control or are abstinent, it should be a well-informed decision. After all, we're taught to make well-informed decisions in every other sector of life, when buying a new T.V. or choosing the best way to cure an illness. That same 360 awareness needs to carry through to sex education.
I enjoyed your post and chose it because I wanted to read a male's perspective. Like you I define virginity the stereotypical way. I like the analogy you brought up about the used lollipop. Why we feel we can degrade girls and make them feel like if they have had sex they are nothing is disgusting to me. I would be much angrier as a parent if my daughter was taught this, than about safe sex.
You stated “Being a guy and growing up in high school and middle school, most males were looked at as “studs” if they were promiscuous and spent time with many girls. Girls on the other hand, craved attention from the guys, good or bad, many girls were looked at as “sluts” just because they were “attention whores” with the guys and they got more attention than other girls. " I like the fact that as a male you recognize the problem, sadly not many men do.
I also agree with you that teenage girls should be taught to be educated, driven, and inquisitive. They should not be so focused on being labeled “pure” or “dirty.”