Let a woman be herself

"We must abandon the idea that women's bodies are inherently shameful, and that women's sexuality needs to be restricted (97)."

Yes, exactly, thank you Jessica. I have never paid much attention to this abstinence education push and certainly never knew about these purity balls. When I started reading "The Purity Myth", I wanted to scream, "why can't a woman want sex?" what is wrong with that. I woman can and should enjoy sex and not be ashamed of that fact. As a strong, independent woman I feel that we should live our lives with a little more self interest. We should do as we please without considering what others might think of us. We should have sex and enjoy having sex. As I continued to read I came to realize that, as much as my inner feminist rebels against the idea, I am shackeled by the idea that women are the gatekeepers. As a product of my society, I have always viewed it as the woman's responsibility to fend off the males. We must control ourselves and restrain the testosterone driven males from jumping into sex. I also, unwillingly, view women who are sexually promiscuous or throw themselves at men as whores. Admittedly some of them are, but many are just expressing a need to fulfill their own desires. I also, typically blame the males for taking advantage of the obviously misled female; the, "she must have thought there was some emotional connection or she would not have had sex with him" idea. But this is ridiculous. A woman can just have sex with someone because she wants to; because she enjoys it. Valenti states in a footnote that, "texts often attribute girls' pomiscuity (i.e. having premarital sex) to low self-esteem, depression, or attention-seeking behavior. It's never described as a natural or pleasurable urge (107)." Why is it so hard to believe that women can enjoy sex too? Why are we clinging to this misogynistic view that women's desire should be kept in a box and only allowed out when their husband wants to see it? Why is it okay, even encouraged, for men to have sex before or outside of marriage, and not for women? Valenti points out that this social construct of "making women the sexual gatekeepers and telling men they just can't help themselves not only drives home the point that women's sexuality is un-natural, but also sets up a disturbing dynamic in which women are expected to be responsible for men's sexual behavior (108)." I also agree that the abstinence education is reinforcing the idea of the woman as the gatekeeper. And it is educating people with lies and weak logic. At one point Valenti quotes Janice Turner, an abstinence only educator, "Girls give in to sex not because they want sex, it's like a hug. If they can get that from their fathers, they won't need it from a boyfriend (102)." If this kind of attitude wasn't so frustrating I'd fall on the floor laughing. How can anyone believe that sex is a replacement for a hug. Teenagers have sex for various reasons mainly to do with feeling grown-up, fitting in, or exploring their own urges. It would be a very rare father indeed who could satisfy these things with a hug. I am not dismissing the comfort of fatherly hugs. What I am saying is that it has nothing to do with the urges to have sex.