Did you lose your V Card!?

First of all I have to say that I will keep this book forever! It is amazing! It has answered so many questions for me and opened my eyes in so many ways already. I believe virginity is the state of never having had sexual penetration, be it a heterosexual or homosexual situation. I think I just kind of formed this definition on my own. My mother is a nurse so she was always very open with me, and I never really talked about it much with my dad because my parents are divorced. After reading Valenti’s book it is a little difficult to define. One of the most prominent examples of passivity I have seen in my life is with my aunt and uncle. They are very devout Baptists. Basically, my Aunt doesn’t have a say in any decisions, and my Uncle is considered the head of the household. It brings to mind when Valenti discusses the act of a father giving away his daughter at her wedding. The new husband is not the one to take care of her and make sure her silly little head doesn’t get her in trouble. This is exactly how my uncle treats my aunt, and it’s sad.

There are many other values other than purity that we should be teaching young girls to ensure they grow up to be active moral agents. Valenti said, “When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens… if we have them, when we’ll lose them, and under what circumstances we’ll be rid of them.” So much of what girls are first taught about themselves is about sexuality, and what it means to be a girl. How about just being you, gender aside? Girls need to know about life and what real life is about. A moral person knows that life isn’t easy, but strives to do well and have compassion towards others regardless of life’s obstacles.

I wasn’t brought up to think of female sexuality as positive or “dirty”. I think I thought it was something that came with the territory. I really relate to Valenti when describing her thoughts after her first time she said, “… I didn’t feel changed somehow. Wasn’t this supposed to be, like, like a big deal?” I felt this a lot as I explored my sexuality as a young sexually active teen. I had this feeling from society that I should feel guilty, but I really wasn’t feeling it. I felt so conflicted. I didn’t feel I was endangering myself having safe sex, but society made me feel like it should be such a big thing. I have just now come to realize that what I was doing was pretty normal.

I think there is a way to create a positive vision of women’s sexuality. Valenti said, “… I believe sexual intimacy should be honored and respected, but that it shouldn’t be revered at the expense of women’s well being, or seen as such in integral part of female identity that we end up defining ourselves by out sexuality.” Young girls should be taught to embrace their sexuality, and understand it’s power because really, let’s face it, it has power. Safe sex should be stressed, and the joys of sex in a monogamous relationship are nothing to shun. Obviously sex will not always be in a relationship situation for some, but safety when is comes to sexuality is important.

P.S. My father had the same reaction to the Purity Balls as Valenti's father did : "Freakin weird" LOL I agree dad