I didn't blog on time cuz I got dumped

I am not going to blog about a movie because although I watched Ghost World and Now and Then for this assignment, I could not muster up enough emotional energy to blog about someone else’s life (or even blog on time). So I've decided to blog about my own life. I think this is relevant because I am a girl and a feminist and this is real.

On Sunday I got dumped. We dated for three and a half years and I was madly in love with him. I thought he loved me too, but apparently not anymore. Problems between us started mostly when I came into feminism. I became strong and loud and opinionated. I had views that started differing from his on everything from Iraq to Family Guy to hairstyles. I wanted him to take Intro to Women’s Studies and he didn’t want to. I wanted him to participate with CodePink and he didn’t want to. I wanted him to understand why John McCain is bad for women’s health and well being, and he didn’t want to.
I know feminism changed my life, but I guess I didn’t fully realize that it changed me as a person too. I’m not the same person that I was in High School when we started dating. I’m convinced feminism (and the fact that this is an election year) is the reason he stopped loving me. Maybe I asked too much of him, but I was really just trying to open his eyes and expand his mind the way feminism did for me. I keep thinking of the Bright Eyes lyrics from the song Land Locked Blues, “A good woman will pick you apart A box full of suggestions for your possible heart But you may be offended and you may be afraid But don’t walk away, don’t walk away.” I see the world in a different light and know so much more now that I have come into feminism and the progressive community. He didn’t see the world the same way and didn’t want to try. I can understand that this is a big change and would be hard for someone to adjust to, but it makes me sad that he couldn’t accept the new, educated, passionate me.
Sometimes I secretly wish that I never became a feminist and that I never became socially and politically aware. I know that this is blasphemous and horrifying, but I know that my life would be easier in so many ways, and maybe my relationship would still be intact. I guess feminism isn’t easy though. It’s about sacrifice and going against popular opinion and doing what is right instead of what is easy. I’m sure I will be much stronger in my feminism and myself when I’m over this, but being dumped by the person you love is hard and for now I’m going to lay in bed and cry. Sorry I didn’t blog on topic or on time.

Comments

Kari said…
Carly I think your amazing, you are intelligent, beautiful, strong, and I admire you a lot. If you ever need anything I'm here for you, just ask. <3 Kari
۞ Lauren said…
Don't worry. You will find someone that feels the same way you do. This is just proof he is not the right guy for you. I know I'm blessed to have a hubby that cares as much about this stuff as I do. Believe me, it is much more enjoyable having someone behind you saying "heck ya." Don't waste your precious time trying to change someone to think as you do, because it won't work. Find a hot guy already interested in feminism. : )
amanda said…
i lovvvvvvvve you carly!!!
Lela said…
ugh, i can SO relate, carly. i'm in heartbreak sadness right now myself, dumped by my long-term bf for the second (and last) time in 6 months. it is hard, but you (we) will survive. there are many ways to assist a broken heart: girls, other boys, food, especially chocolate, maybe a little wine, yoga, immersing yourself in work and activism, thinking about all the things you can do now that you're single, and recognizing how amazing you are. evolving as a person sometimes involves losses, as well as gains. hang in there. xo

October 29, 2008 2:10
Ashl. said…
When you're feeling lonely just remember you always have yourself, and no one is more knowing and understanding of your life than you are. Grab ahold of that scribbly/desperate feeling inside yourself and change your perspective of it to make it strong. I would always take breakups sooo hard, all of my relationships have been long term 1.5-2 years, and afterwards I'm freaking out and just so desperately lonely, because I would determine my worth through other's wanting of me. And then I thought something like, well I want me, and I'm going to be around my whole life, and it isn't about me+someone else its about me interacting with other individuals. So, you have you, and amazing friends, and super-amazing feminism, and all the little everyday things that make you happy.
Ali said…
I don't think you can ever ask too much from the person you love, unless you're asking them to deny who they are - which you weren't. Asking someone to consider other positions and ideas is hardly a lot to ask!

"Sometimes I secretly wish that I never became a feminist and that I never became socially and politically aware. I know that this is blasphemous and horrifying, but I know that my life would be easier in so many ways, and maybe my relationship would still be intact."

It's not horrifying, I know what you mean - life would be so much easier if we didn't have to analyze everything we experience. But, the way I see it, we're really lucky to know what we do and be in the community we're in, and it's kind of our job to challenge oppression in all forms, even if it means experiencing pain or loss. Growth is painful. Letting someone go isn't easy, and I would never presume to know what's best for you or anyone else, but I really believe that we're all better for the hardships we endure. You're not wrong or at fault for changing, we should all be constantly evolving! You deserve what you love, but you also deserve someone who loves you for everything you are and everything you become.
Bianca said…
Please don't worry about the thumbs up/down thing. I understand now why you had a shitty week. I hope you're feeling a least a little better now. Just remind yourself that you're better off without someone who won't accept you for who you are. <3
Ariel Dansky said…
*hugs*

Break ups are hard =(.

Everything happens for a reason, and from what you wrote here, I really think it was for the best. Feminism is part of who you are, and you deserve a guy who accepts ALL OF YOU, including the feminist part.
shypoetfiore said…
I know this may not help since you don't know me, but look at all the women that are supporting you and let that brighten you spirits. Hang in there.

Popular posts from this blog

Film Review

Maiden, Mother and Crone by Vianny Nunez

The G[r]ay Area Between Female Friendship & Sexuality