Girls and Affirmations

(The adorable video above is "Jessica's Daily Affirmations" where she talks into the mirror about all of the things she likes. If this doesn't make you smile, you might want to check your pulse to ensure you are alive.)

I took my 8 year old cousin shopping last weekend. As we tried on bathing suits in the Target dressing room, she pointed to her belly and said, "ugh! I wish I wasn't so fat!" and I instantly got tears in my eyes. The tears were partially because here I have this funny, smart, beautiful girl learning to hate her body already (at 8 years old!), and partially because I remember feeling the exact same way at that age. In 3rd grade, I started gaining weight and instantly became ridiculed in school. Gym class, which was always my favorite, quickly became my worst nightmare. In elementary school, the boy I had a crush on made fun of me when I ran; when dodgeball happened (why do they make kids play that game, anyway?), I was always the first target. In middle school, I would change in a bathroom stall so I didn't have to undress in front of other girls and sometimes eat my lunch in the library because I didn't have a lot of friends. In high school, I tried desperately to fit in with the popular girls but really, I was much different than them (and it had way more to do with the fact that they were thin and I wasn't). But really, as I forced myself to not cry in that dressing room, I knew I couldn't focus on myself and instead, I had to focus on her.

First, I asked her if anyone has ever called her fat or said negative things about her body. She told me no, but sometimes the kids in her class laugh at her. Then she told me that her mom sometimes won't let her have as much candy as she wants, so that means that she's getting too fat. Really, where do kids get this from? I explained to her that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that nobody is made the same. "But, all the ladies in the family are fat, so that means I will be too!" is what she said to me. True: most of the women in our family are curvy women with large busts. I tried to instill the whole "you are beautiful, no matter what" idea into her head while also wanting to talk to her about being HEALTHY and how that doesn't have much to do with a number on a scale or the size of her jeans. She loves sports and is good at them, and so I reminded her of that. She gets awesome grades, and just got fantastic scores (top of her class, and a perfect score in math) on her FCAT results. She's gotten on honor roll every semester. She has two loving parents, and a large extended family. She has a roof over her head, has a hot dinner every single night. She has a cat, a dog, and a bunny she loves very much. Before I could make my point (which, by the way, I don't really remember what it was: I basically just wanted to pull some positives and change her focus of thinking), she said: "Hey, Heather, you're right! My life is AWESOME!!!" and hugged me right there. We still had a little bit of a struggle with the purchasing of bathing suits and her finding one she really liked, but I'd wager that once we get into the water wherever we are, she'll get over it.

What it boils down to is that girls need affirmations: whether they are self affirmations or ones we give them, they need people to recognize all the amazing characteristics they have. In one of our discussion postings, Abigail mentioned that in YWLP, we try to focus on things that have to do with the self and not material items (like, "hey! you are a really amazing artist!" instead of "oh wow I love your new backpack"), and I think it's important. Jessica's Daily Affirmation reminded me that girls often do recognize all the good they have in their life, but sometimes maybe need a little help remembering to focus on it.

I challenge all of you to do something similar to all the girls in your life: daughters, sisters, cousins, nieces, students, etc. Write them an Operation Beautiful note and put it on their bathroom mirror, write a letter or card telling them how proud you are of something they've accomplished lately: just do or say something to let them know you care and you think they are amazing.