Are You There God? It's Me Margaret.


In the opening pages of this book, Margaret’s new friend Nancy probes Margaret about kissing boys, her breasts and “looking like one of those girls in Playboy.” Thinking about to middle school, I remember thinking about my first kiss, when I would get boobs and who my first boyfriend would be. However, Margaret’s main struggle throughout this book was her inner struggle with what religion she would be when she grew up. Her father was Jewish, her mother was a Christian and they chose to raise Margaret in an unreligious household, allowing her to decide what she wanted to be—for herself, when she was a grown up. Margaret struggled when Nancy asked her if she’d be attending the Y or the Jewish Community Center, saying EVERYONE was either in one or the other. Early on you realize what an outsider Margaret is made to feel like, since she is “not anything.” I could relate, as I also grew up with no religion. Growing up with a father who didn’t deem religion as important and a mother who was raised in a very strict Catholic home, they decided they didn’t want their children growing up feeling the same pressures my Mom was made to feel. I always wished I had something to fall back on, someone to lean on—support from that arena of my life that always felt so empty. Being in a relationship now where I’m dating someone who is Jewish, and I’ve clung to a Christian faith in the past several years, it makes me realize I need to make CERTAIN I don’t put my children through this kind of unnecessary turmoil. In the final pages of the book, Margaret writes in her final paper, “If I should ever have children I will tell them what religion they are so they can start learning about it at an early age. Twelve is very late to learn.” (143) That line broke my heart. As if as a 12-year old she didn’t have enough going on, starting period, breast growing, crushes and friendships.

The majority of the time, while reading this book, I thought about how little girls are pressured to be perfect. Sit up straight, wash your face with soap. Nancy asking Gretchen how much weight she’s gained, be cool and don’t wear socks with your loafers, waiting to start your period (funny, I use to wish I’d start…now I wish it’d go AWAY). Doing an exercise to help grow “We must—we must—we must increase our bust!” All the pressures these girls felt resonated in the appearance department rather than academic advancement (although, once-removed Grandmother, does ask Margaret about her marks in school).

As a society we put so much emphasis on media, and the images that surround us. In Lapkin’s readings it says: “12 billion dollars a year in the United States is spend on advertising and marketing to children.” How do we think we know what we need to market to our children? Who is deciding what’s important? All I’m seeing is teenie-boppers who parade around in barely nothing saying this is what is appealing. This is what we need to have as our “image” for our youth. It’s no wonder children are “growing p so fast,” and children are having children. Children are told big breast are appealing, clear skin is a must, thin is best, long hair is beautiful and as women we need to always look our best (shoot, as adults we’re fed the same information). As important as religion is in this book, periods, bras and breasts were the running theme in this book, and equally as important—if not more. Throughout the book Margaret is constantly talking to God about being “normal,” begging him to let her grow, let her have a period. There was never any emphasis on letting her do well on a test, letting her make new friends, letting her do well on anything.

Are You There God It’s Me Margaret reinforced my belief that parents need to talk to their children about what’s important. It’s important to feel good about who you are, but it’s about HOW YOU FEEL, not how everyone else tells you to feel, or look. It’s important to want to do well, but if you don’t—it’s okay. Appearance isn’t everything, and we put entirely too much emphasis on that as a society. Much like in the readings in Red, children worry constantly about who they are, not being good enough, not feeling acceptance. I vividly remember these self-aware concerns as a little girl and it makes me sad to think about how vulnerable our children are, and the "normal" they are trying to attain. Anyway, what IS normal?

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