Autopilot

Autopilot

Why does this question generally succeed an announcement of engagement or a wedding? Why do we have to want children in the first place, and if a female does not want to be a mother, why is that so unsettling to other women? I think this “child having” question, which is usually addressed to an adult, has its start in girlhood, put there by gender shaping adults.

Girls are expected to be girls and have feminine attributes pushed on them starting at the 20 week ultra sound. It is not until a girl is strong enough mentally and emotionally to say, “No, pink is not my favorite color, and I want my hair cut short, and no, I do not want kids.” But then, like I did just the other day, the words came out of my mouth, and they were defiantly not my own; “So, are you guys going to have kids any time soon or what?” How is possible for a grown girl that understands the value of personal choice when it comes to having children ask her sister about when she is going to have children, full well knowing that is not a priority (or even on the list) for her and her husband? One word: autopilot.

Our society has programmed the event that comes after marriage is having children and even if that is not the plan for a female, it is still stealthily hiding in the mind tucked away just waiting for the right time to ambush. I think that this is called “the biological clock” that some females seem to think is calling them into mother hood even though they are firmly convinced that is not their career path.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a vast majority (not that I have taken count) of females who whole heartedly have the goal of being mothers. There are also those females who just don’t want to be mothers, and only feel a bit guilty about this personal choice when the previous mentioned females look upon them with disdain when they hear the words uttered, “I’m not having children.” Let it be known that motherhood is just not for every female out there (as a matter of fact, marriage is not either, but that is another day’s topic to rant about). As a mother of a daughter (and a married female) I want to break the cycle of gender stereo type and not push on her motherhood, marriage, pink, or other “girly” stuff just because she is a cute 7 year old. She needs to know that here path is what she can determine it to be and all the consequences and rewards that will come with her choices are hers too. If she ever gets engaged or married and the words “when do I get grandchildren” are never uttered from my lips, then I will consider that a success for the both of us.

Robin Apelado
UCF Senior, Professor Preston’s Girls Studies course

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Film Review

Maiden, Mother and Crone by Vianny Nunez

The G[r]ay Area Between Female Friendship & Sexuality