What is Girls Studies? Why Girls Studies?

Girls' Studies. From what I have read so far, I see that the material we will be reading, viewing, and discussing is endlessly fascinating, being that I am 21 and successfully out of my “adolescence.” It seems unfortunate that this information and understanding towards matters of girlhood register with us in such a sophisticated way only now that we have passed though the time which we are questioning and examining. One crucial element when desiring to gain insight and awareness towards any group of people, whether the grouping is determined by anatomy or culture, is that assumptions and/or judgments based on personal experience do not become the guiding force. Already, in the one of the posts, girlhood is described as the time when burping and the wearing boy’s clothing must subside. For me, as an individual, this was not the case. I was the girl who refused to wear anything but dresses from the age of three, and who hid in a bathroom stall at the pool when my parents signed me up for swim team (the “cleanest” sport they could find for me). With the encouragement from other parents at my elementary school, my parents scrambled to find a sport for me; ballet just wasn’t cutting it anymore. And the worst part is; it wasn’t only the parents who deemed my preferences as less valuable than soccer, softball, or tennis. Girls in my class told me that ballet “is for sissy’s,” or, “tutus are stupid…what are you, a princess?” But still, I remember crying when my mom told me that I was trading in my leotard for a one-piece black Speedo. Her explanation, which I remember very dearly, was expressed in a tone so conflicted, so unsure, while she told me that it is good to try new things; that swim team was less about costume and more about athleticism. She seemed at odds with her decision to allow the knowledge of others to influence my activities, instead of her knowledge of me. I struggled to understand why wanting to wear a costume was wrong as I struggled with the swim team, and had to be bribed throughout the entire season. My mom couldn't handle it anymore, and it was the best day of my entire life when she announced I could switch back to ballet the following year.

And here is the mistake: in attempting to prevent me from feeling badly about being a girl…I felt badly about being a girl.

In order to understand each other as we are now, and as we were then, we must come with open minds and an appreciation for difference. There is no right or wrong way to be as a human, just as there is no right or wrong way to be as a woman. We have to stop trying so hard to fit ourselves into a box, and practice acceptance and individuality. These problems are not limited to girls; there are little boys who want to be a butterfly for Halloween just as there are little girls who want to be a Power Ranger (on a side note…do Power Rangers even exist anymore?) I reacted very strongly against the word “feminism” for a long time, mainly because of how its twisted evil twin, “misunderstood feminism,” made me feel as a young girl. Let there be no confusion; girls should be encouraged to be who they are...and if that involves soccer and flag football, then I am eternally grateful to the foremothers of feminism for making that okay. But we must be cautious to not let that be the only option in a feminist world. We all but throw a parade for a man if he chooses a life as a stay-at-home dad, but when a woman does it, she is selling herself short. When a man desires marriage, we swoon; when a woman dreams of a wedding, she is labeled as pathetic. I pray that as I learn more, I find that the principles which lead to attitudes such as these are not found in the core of feminism. I hope to gain a better understanding of the feminist ideology from this class, and a better understanding of the people who dedicate their belief systems to it. However, I am confident in who I am, and if the principles of feminism demand and/or require something different than who that is, then I can not be in support of it on a personal level. Already, I feel slightly threatened by All About the Girl; I feel as though sympathizing and identifying with Bridget Jones is going to put me at odds with the ideas in this book. That being said, I am hoping that the material we cover throughout the course will allow me to better understand myself, the girls in YWLP, and women as we function and grow within our culture.

Love demands acceptance, and acceptance breeds love; that I believe. And so although I am coming to this class with little to no formal knowledge of feminism and its applications towards understanding girlhood, I hope to find that we maneuver through it together, and without predetermined ideas of what each other is capable of thinking.

Love,
Em[ily]

Comments

Ali said…
Your mention of “misunderstood feminism” makes me think of my mom. When I started studying Women’s Studies I asked my mom if she considered herself a feminist. She said she would probably never use that word, but that she did. I think what you mention in terms of women being expected to kind of strive to be equal to a man, in a way, is a carryover from the Second Wave of feminism (in the 60’s-70’s). At that time women were struggling for equal footing with men in the workplace and in society, but a lot of it focused on being strong, proving that women were tough enough to be able to compete with men. My mom was a stay at home mom when my brother and I were little and she felt conflicted – was worried that other women would judge her for her decision to not pursue her career at that point and so was afraid to call herself a feminist.

Where we are now in feminism (the Third Wave) is a lot different. There’s an embrace of women as they are, or as they care to be. There’s less of a focus on being like a man, and more of an embrace of women as they are – maybe different, but certainly not lesser. I think current feminist theory really reinforces choice and opportunity – not just in being “as good as the boys” but in not having to be. Women are just as legitimate and powerful as men, and we can be legitimate and powerful in our own way – whether that means we’re playing alongside men or not - in ballet or art class, in cooking a delicious meal or on the soccer field. To me, feminism is all about finding out about your options and knowing that you are free to choose whatever is right for you. If that happens to fall into what’s acceptable for your gender then that’s fine, and if it doesn’t that’s fine too. It’s all about examining why we are doing the things we do and who we’re doing them for. If I truly love cooking because I love to experiment with the smells and textures and not because I think, as a woman, I should cook because that’s what women do, then cooking is for me. Does that make sense?

I think the examples you give about a stay at home mom selling herself short or a woman who wants to get married being pathetic are only really feminist sentiments if those women are doing those things because it’s what’s expected of them and not because it’s what they truly want for themselves. Feminism is all about choice.

- Ali
Ariel Dansky said…
First of all, let me just say that this was very well written =). I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story and find it interesting that other girls actually teased you for being girly!

I agree that the feminist movement needs to be more all inclusive and accepting, and I feel that it is moving more and more in this direction.
Emily said…
Thanks guys, for reading my post! I definitely feel that because I have read little on feminist literature, I can more purely assess the effects of feminism on my life as a girl. Reading further into the text, All About the Girl, I see the differences and conflicts between the different movements, or waves, and can identify what aspects were put into effect in my youth. Thank you Ali, for outlining the beliefs of feminism as it stands now. Being a girl who is extrememly feminine by nature and not merely societal pressure, (which by the way, I found it interesting that women in Afghanistan smuggle lipstick...there is a section about it in ch.5) I just wanted to express my feelings on girlhood as it was for me in the 1990's/early 2000's. Perhaps it is easier said than done to establish the idea that feminism is about choice, and the acceptance of whatever that may happen to be; especially because early feminists fought so hard for women to be able to do so. However, they weren't fighting for us to be able to cook, or stay home with children. So as a woman, when the choice is to wear a bra, wear make-up, cook dinner for your family, watch Sex and the City, or be the president of the PTA, it seems that those choices aren't as readily supported. At least from my opinion. The idea that we should not give our daughters dolls or tea sets, but chemistry sets (a commercial I remember seeing 2 years ago) seems to defeat the purpose of validating the strength of our girls. If a girl is interested in science, yes, give her a chemistry set. And if she wants a baby doll, give her a baby doll. And although the lack of support is not what is intended, I think it is sometimes felt, as with your mom (and mine too, who was a stay at home mom as well). And yeah, it is definitely ironic that girls made fun of me for being girly...but it definitely was the case. I love what you said Ariel, and I agree. I hope that feminism is moving in the direction that it needs to!
Emily said…
Oh, and I forgot to say what I wanted to say most...
In my original blog, I speak about being open minded. This too is easier said than done. I can imagine why being the stay-at-home-mom is sometimes questioned or looked down upon; I think it is because people who don't want that for their life can not comprehend that women are telling the truth when they say that is what they want. But here is the thing: some women really do want that. And the reason why I can assume that people can not actually believe it when a woman says she wants to wear high-heels/be a mom/bake cookies/read RealSimple magazine is because I can not understand not wanting to do those things. I am not afraid to admit it and I am not attempting to offend anyone, but I can not comprehend wanting to play a sport, not wanting to wear dresses, or not shaving your legs. But although I can't comprehend it for my own life, I can understand and embrace that people think differently. Just as I am sure that some of you think I am crazy for always wearing high heels, and assume that I secretly don't want to, but feel that I have to. And this is where the open minded part comes in. I really do just love shoes. I really did love ballet. We have to get to the point where we trust each other, and can really believe and therefore fully support a woman's right to choose her own life. Whatever it may be. :)& <3

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