Gender: Not As Simple As You Think
Gender: Not As Simple As You Think
For as long as I can remember, gender has been an important part of my personality. My mother would always praise me for being "feminine" and urged me to dress up, take care of my hair and my appearance the way any girl should. She does the same thing with my younger sister now, who somehow managed to be "more feminine than you," as my mother remarks constantly. Even today, my mother urges me to "dress my age" and show more skin, something that I want to do but can't be forced into because I'm not used to it. That urging of "dressing my age" started to come about when I was seventeen or eighteen, just starting to get into the adult world. Before that, my mother had no problem with me wearing regular t-shirts, longer shorts, and other articles of clothing like that. Once I hit that certain mark, though, I had to try and present myself as more "grown," which meant showing more skin and putting more effort into my appearance.
But why is that required of me?
I ask this question as someone who has a younger sister and a younger brother. While I see a lot of the same pushes given to my sister that my mother gave to me, my brother is never given that same sort of attention. Whenever we go out to a fancy place, she helps him pick out something nice and makes sure that he looks presentable, but that isn't a constant thing like how it is with us girls. She doesn't urge him to take care of his hair, wash his face, wear nicer things; whenever he gets a particular sort of why, my mother simply brushes it off by saying, "He's a boy, it's what they do."
Being raised in this type of environment gave me expectations that I should hold over myself. I can't blame my mother and father for this solely, though, as I'm sure that many other families all over the country and the world have also complied with societal gender norms and never urged their children to break the barrier. This contributes to the idea that "gender is not only what we 'do'; it is a process by which we 'are' or 'become'" (Shaw & Lee 96).
What happens when this process is broken, though? For example, if a little boy wants to play with a Barbie doll instead of a superhero action figure, or a little girl would rather wear a video game t-shirt rather than a dress? "Sometimes, there are harsh responses to children who do not follow [gendered] patterns" (Shaw & Lee 98). Going back to my personal life, this is something that I see in my family a lot. My parents certainly are not as harsh as other families might be, but they do discourage my little brother from doing anything they would consider "feminine."
How can these expectations be upheld onto the youth of our society on an individual level? As everyone by now should be aware, "Our gender expression is not always the same as our gender identity and may or may not match our assigned gender at birth" (Shaw & Lee 98). This can be as simple as not conforming to the usual colors and toys that are given to boys and girls, but it can get a little more complex. For example, transgender people feel that they are born into a body that doesn't match their identity, so they can make changes to their wardrobe, hair, and even body in order to best match how they want to present themselves. Those who are genderqueer simply ignore the gender binary that society pushes onto people, instead taking their own approach to expressing themselves.
These expectations and categorizations into a binary that doesn't encapsulate individuals seems to be pointless, but there is a one reason as to why it exists: power. The way our society stands at this moment still has masculine traits and ideals as being superior or more desirable than feminine ones. As with my personal example earlier, "It is okay to emulate the masculine and act like a boy, but it may not be okay to emulate the feminine" (Shaw & Lee 111). In our everyday culture, there are words and phrases that belittle men and women by using feminine traits against them (calling people "sissies" and other such things, saying that someone "throws like a girl," etc.).
In my life now, I have interests and tastes in fashion that might be considered more "masculine." I love superheroes and action movies and wearing t-shirts that reflect those interests. My mother continues to urge me to dress more "feminine," and while that is not something I mind doing, I wonder how I would feel if that was not the case. Pushing gender norms onto children is not the best thing to do, in my personal opinion. With gender norms comes standards that are expected by society that can hurt children's self-esteem and self-image. Instead, children should be allowed to just do as they please, partake in what interests them, and see where that takes them in life.
“Dei Toolkit: Gender & Gender Identity.” AAUW, 23 Nov. 2020, https://www.aauw.org/resources/member/governance-tools/dei-toolkit/dimensions-of-diversity/gender-identity/.
Shaw, Susan M., and Janet Lee. Gendered Voices, Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings. Oxford University Press, 2020.
Comments