Gender Roles In Dating: It’s Not The 1950s... Right?

 

    Whether one is actively pursuing someone, pursued, or not participating in dating overall, one can say they have heard something along the lines of “Dating is hard”. Regardless of whether you agree, gender roles society have established has not helped the pressure of being the one predominantly responsible for courtship, “a virtue to piety, submissiveness, and domesticity” (WSKG) as a woman or man. But wait, this is not the 1950s ... Right? This mentality is rooted in part from the 1950s; even as far back as the days of slavery, it still prevails today. I will be explaining how gender roles when it comes to dating has progressed historically within Western culture among Caucasians, and people of color such as African Americans and Hispanics.

 

In the article titled From The Front Porch To the Back Seat: A History of A Date, the term ‘date’ was previously used in the middle working class to refer to prostitution.

  
    “They lay in the practices of ‘treating’ and the sexual exchanges made by ‘charity girls’”. It was not always seen as respectable to be dating during the early 1900s. Once the invention of the automobile came into being in the 1920s, it became the “common belief that young people began ‘going out’ because automobiles made it possible”(Bailey). Still, notions of an exchange of sexual acts remained associated with dating. Upon the invention of the automobile, two people having a romantic outing became more and more normalized with the mindset that men were the ones who should be responsible for the financial aspect of it. “In dating, a man is responsible for all the expenses. The woman contributes only to her company. Of course, the man contributes his company also, but since he must ‘add money to balance the bargain’ this company must be worth less than hers. Thus, according to this economic understanding she is selling her company to him”. As a result of this mindset, thus, the equation “Man’s Company + Money = Woman’s company + ?” (Bailey) was born. The question mark in this social equation then egged the questions: how is this equation balanced? What is needed? A possible solution may have the woman be assertive and be the one who asks for the man’s company instead. However, dating still had an enduring association with the exchange of sexual acts; if a woman is assertive, she is not attractive.

 

 

    Towards the 1950s, women were to follow the lead of men when it came to courtship. Advice books, written during this time often noted how independent women could be, still made it a point to emphasize the importance of preserving male dominance by being submissive. One piece of advice within these types of literature went as far as to state, "Boys know you for the modern, self-sufficient, car driving, job holding, money-making, vote-getting women. You can and do take everything into your own hands except love and courtship, and marriage”(McDaniel). Additionally, when it came to a women’s preferred temperament, it was stated, in these advice books, that women “could not be too friendly or outgoing, because then she might be easily cross the line into bold and aggressive behaviour, such as calling a boy for no reason or asking him to dance. Such behaviours marked her as ‘cheap’, ‘forward’, or a ‘flirt’, and also chased boys away”(McDaniel). Overall, it was often in these forms of literature that boys “did not like ‘aggressive’ girls who too obviously took the initiative”(McDaniel).

 

 

    Fast-forwarding to the late 1960s, the association between dates and exchanging sexual services for time and money became dismantled by what at the time was a sexual revolution. Women during this time acknowledged and identified the usual association and responded: “rejected that sort of bargain altogether for a variety of arrangements that did not suggest an equation in need of a balance”(Bailey).

 

 

     In 1998 and 2011, studies were conducted, consisting of interviews with women who voiced why they chose not to be assertive with men; who were of romantic interest. In these studies, over a third indicated that they did not ask men on dates because men nature to like ‘the thrill of the chase’ or it was the man’s ‘role’ to do the pursuing”(Lamont). Below are responses from two of the numerous women, that have been asked about their hesitancy to be more assertive with men romantically.

 

Jenna, 26, a research assistant, stated: “It’s just partly biological. In animals, the guy always flashes. The male bird always flashes his colors—his feathers or something—to go after what he wants.”


Caroline, 31, a marketing director, stated: “I feel like men need to feel like they are in control and, if you ask them out, you end up looking desperate and it’s a turn-off to them.”

   
    Usually, when referred to scholarly texts, they are more often than not written addressing the perspectives of white, middle-class people. It is a known fact that nationality plays an integral part in the experience of people alongside gender. The stereotype of the association between femininity with submissiveness and masculinity with dominance is also very prevalent within minorities such as African Americans and Hispanics. In a scholarly article Black Masculinity Under White Supremacy, historical aspects connected the intersection between black masculinity and slavery/colonialism” (Orelus). “During the times of slavery, Black, male slaves were stripped of their masculinity through physical violence both directly and indirectly. “Performance of masculinity by these slave masters included acts of physical and psychological violence such as humiliating slaves by making them off their clothes in public while beating them and specifically targeting black men that seemed to be stronger than the others. The form of black masculinity set and legislated by white slave masters”(Orelus). The general dominant attitude that on the male, black slaves continued to be emulated and repeated generations after slavery's abolishment. “Even in post-slavery and colonial times, privileged and straight white males continue to set norms of masculinity for other men including African descent”(Orelus). When it comes to African American women, they too suffer from the result of being construed as assertive.“Of the stereotypes associated with African American women, the Strong Black Woman may be considered an alternative, albeit positive, stereotype or cultural ideal for some women. However, research suggests that African American women’s characterization as ‘strong’ has negative implications in terms of African American women’s help-seeking behaviors and mental wellness”(Jones).

 

   Hispanic gender roles are to be similar to those within western culture as well. “Like most ethnicities, Latinos have strong cultural roots that often come with them when they emigrate from other countries. This cultural bond transcends into gender relations and roles which are called machismo and marianismo which are distinct gender roles for men and women. Machismo (similar to male chauvinism) refers to characteristics of the male which include dominant, virile, and independent, while marianismo depicts females as submissive, chaste and dependent “. (Brown)

 

 

    In sum, both men and women as pressured to fill expectations and act “accordingly” when participating in courtship. So, although we are not in the 1950s... Right? The mentality towards gender expectations when dating is still deeply ingrained in men and women today.

 

                                                                        Sources Cited

McDaniel, Patricia. “Shrinking Violets and Caspar Milquetoasts: Shyness and Heterosexuality from the Roles of the Fifties to ‘The Rules’ of the Nineties.” Journal of Social History, vol. 34, no. 3, 2001, pp. 547–568. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/3789817. Accessed 6 Aug. 2021.

Bailey, Beth. “From Front Porch to Back Seat: A History of the Date.” <i>OAH Magazine of History</i>, vol. 18, no. 4, 2004, pp. 23–26. <i>JSTOR</i>, www.jstor.org/stable/25163698. Accessed 6 Aug. 2021.

Lamont, Ellen. “Negotiating Courtship: Reconciling Egalitarian Ideals with Traditional Gender Norms.” Gender & Society, vol. 28, no. 2, Apr. 2014, pp. 189–211, doi:10.1177/0891243213503899.

Jones, Martinque K., et al. “African American Gender Roles: A Content Analysis of Empirical Research From 1981 to 2017.” Journal of Black Psychology, vol. 44, no. 5, July 2018, pp. 450–486, doi:10.1177/0095798418783561.

Orelus, Pierre W. “Chapter 2: Black Masculinity under White Supremacy: Exploring the Intersection between Black Masculinity, Slavery, Racism, Heterosexism, and Social Class.” Counterpoints, vol. 351, 2010, pp. 63–111. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/42980552. Accessed 6 Aug. 2021.

Brown, Thomas. “Latino Women and Gender Issues.” Columbia Academic Commons, Columbia University Libraries, 17 Aug. 2009, doi.org/10.7916/D8C53SJ0.

Admin. “The Civil War and Challenging the ‘Cult of True Womanhood.’” WSKG, 11 Feb. 2016, wskg.org/history/the-civil-war-and-challenging-the-cult-of-true-womanhood/.